top of page

Reframing Anxious Thoughts: How to Stop Fighting Your Mind and Start Finding Calm

Aaron Beck, the father of cognitive therapy and one of the most influential psychologists of all time, was among the first to show how we can disempower negative thoughts and beliefs—a vital skill in today’s anxious world.


Loosen anxiety's grip with practice. Picture source: Zimmytws/Shutterstock
Loosen anxiety's grip with practice. Picture source: Zimmytws/Shutterstock


You may have read that the U.S. National Science Foundation (NSF) discovered humans have 12,000–60,000 thoughts per day, 85% of them negative. This claim is widespread—but completely unfounded. The NSF funds research; it doesn’t conduct it.


A more reliable estimate comes from a 2020 Nature study, which tracked brain activity using fMRI and found a median rate of about 6.5 thought transitions per minute—roughly 6,000 thoughts per day (Tseng & Popper, 2020).


The takeaway? Don’t believe everything you read—or everything you think. It’s worth verifying, challenging, and creating distance between “you” and “your thoughts,” especially anxious ones.


Why Thought Suppression Doesn’t Work


Thought suppression—the attempt to avoid, control, or push away distressing thoughts—is both natural and counterproductive. When we try to force a thought away, it tends to come back with more intensity.


Try this: Don’t think of a purple unicorns. What comes to mind?


Struggling against thoughts keeps us stuck in them.


Cognitive Distancing and Defusion


Beck called the ability to “get unstuck” from thoughts cognitive distancing.

In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), we call this defusion—the skill of observing thoughts rather than fusing with them.


When we’re fused, we identify with unhelpful beliefs and judgments about ourselves. When we defuse, we observe them mindfully and without judgment, reducing their believability and emotional charge.


Ask yourself: Is it the thought that causes distress—or my fusion with it?


As Eleanor Roosevelt (n.d) said, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”


Defusion isn’t about removing negative thoughts—it’s about changing your relationship with them.


An 8-Step ACT & CBT Practice to Loosen Anxiety’s Grip


Both CBT and ACT have strong research support for anxiety treatment.

The following steps combine their insights to reduce reactivity and break the anxiety loop.


1. Allow, Don’t Resist


Steven Hayes, founder of ACT, likens thought suppression to quicksand—the more we struggle, the deeper we sink. Still yourself instead. Let the thought and emotion be there without fighting.


2. Identify Negative Automatic Thoughts (NATs)


Pause, breathe, and notice what you’re reacting to. Common NATs include:


“I’ll mess this up.”
“They must be angry with me.”
“I never get it right.”

3. Spot Thinking Errors


Notice distortions such as overgeneralising, catastrophising, mind reading, or “should” statements.

Naming these patterns helps reduce their hold.


4. Bring in Mindfulness


Jon Kabat-Zinn (2013) defines mindfulness as “the awareness that arises from paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment and non-judgmentally.”


Create space by reframing your thoughts:


  • “I’m having the thought that…”

  • “I notice the thought that I’m…”

  • “Here’s that old story again.”


5. Use Guided Imagery


Nature-based imagery can lower anxiety and restore calm.

Try a guided imagery exercise or ACT-based meditation (avoid while driving).


6. Add Humour


Humour takes the sting out of anxious thoughts.

Say your NAT in a silly voice, sing it to a tune, or imagine it narrated by a sports commentator.

Re-rate its believability—you’ll likely feel instant distance and relief


7. Name Your Inner Critic


Give your mind a name to separate it from “you.” When it gets loud, respond lightly:


“Thanks, Brian, but I’ve got this.”

Naming your mind helps you step back from self-judgment and see thoughts as passing mental events.


8. Show Gratitude to Your Mind


Anxiety is your brain’s way of trying to help. Ask:


“What is this thought trying to protect me from?”
“How is it trying to help?”

Then respond kindly:


“Thanks, fear, but I can handle this.”
“That’s not really helpful, but I appreciate the effort.”

This shifts your stance from inner conflict to self-compassion.


A Helpful Metaphor


Imagine your thoughts being like an online store. Hundreds of products (thoughts) appear on the page, but you don’t add every one to your cart. You choose intentionally.


Do the same with your mind: ask yourself,


Do I need to buy this thought right now?

Is it helpful?

Is it true?


By learning to observe, allow, and gently detach from anxious thoughts rather than battle them, you create space for calm, clarity, and valued action.


If anxious thoughts have been shaping your days or holding you back, counselling can help you create space, calm, and clarity.

At Bright Vista Counselling, we’ll work together to strengthen awareness and self-trust—so you can move forward with greater ease and confidence.



References



Horan, K. (2020). How to Calm Anxiety: Reduce Stress in 8 Steps. Retrieved from  https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/the-reality-gen-z/202009/how-calm-anxiety-reduce-stress-in-8-steps


Kabat-Zinn, J. (2013). Full catastrophe living. Using the wisdom of your body and mind to face stress, pain, and illness. Bantam Books. New York.


Tseng, J., Poppenk, J. (2020). Brain meta-state transitions demarcate thoughts across task contexts exposing the mental noise of trait neuroticism. Nat Commun (11), 3480 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1038/s41467-020-17255-9


 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page